Simon Cowell is King

I'm sure you are all familiar with Simon Cowell (if not where have you been?!!)...if not here is quick info reel:

Simon Cowell
Dob: October 7th 1959
Skills: A&R Executive, TV personality/producer
Business: Owner of Syco (Tv production and music publishing house), he produced a couple hits in his time "So Macho" by Sinitta and some Westlife and Five stuff too, the man was part of a 'Hit Factory' producing some of 80's and 90's most well known pop chart tracks.

Cowell also owns the Idol, X-Factor (UK), Britains Got Talent franchise, Got Talent and American Inventor.....

In short homeboy is 'making it rain' in countries and languages some of us will never see....or understand! Estimated to be worth a staggering $200M (£112M), Mr Cowell can afford to be as rude as he likes.....and he is!




See! Anyway the real reason for this post is to highlight the apparent 'Idol fever' that is taking over the world....yes I said it...THE WORLD!

Ok so we are all familiar with American Idol and Pop Idol, but ladies and gents.....I have a super delight for your comic pleasure. Please take time and indulge in the hilarity below, it is most definately worth it!

Indian Idol


OK so its not in english but you can get the drift....he was....well....erm....LMAO!

Polish Idol


"The kid is not my one" lol

Kazakhstan Idol


"Freestyler"

Malaysian Idol


"The kids is be not my son" - I love it

West African Idol


"I doesn't care whos wrong or right"

South Africa Idol


The man is actually King

East African Idol


I actually wet myself.....I really did.

Austrailian Idol


This guy is special

There are loads more, go have a look.....


Oh yes, how could I forget the Bulgarian legend that is Valentina Hasan who sang
"Ken Lee"

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Beware of the Goonch

--This picture is of a small Goonch--

I'm not an amphibious individual, so the ocean, sea, or swimming pool are not going to be places I frequent.

However being the cautious individual I am, I make a point of knowing all the predatory animals and their natural habitats.....so humour me;


Lions - African plains, (Kenya, South Africa to name but 2 places)
Tigers - Asian jungle, (India, Siberia to name but 2 places)
Sharks - Australian, Pacific, African coasts/oceans

OK so your getting the picture....you know the beasts above and are familiar with their varied abilities and strengths... Right, well ladies and gentlemen I bring you "The Goonch" ....yes that's right "The Goonch"......"what is it, with a name like that it can't be scary" I hear you say?.........Wrong!


--This is a man eating Goonch--

A distant cousin of the 'Cat Fish'(Siluriformes) this bad boy can grow to 200lbs and 6ft long. "The Goonch" inhabits many waters of the world but attention needs to be drawn to the Goonch's of India. Apparently they have been accused of "developing a taste" for human flesh!

I know crazy right? So here's how it happens, in India the remains of funeral pyres are set into the Great Kali river, this river is inhabited by,....you guessed it, "The Goonch", so the remains of people past have been consumed by the behemoth fishzilla and thus a thirst for more was born.

Despite my somewhat 'blahzay' account of this it is quite serious, the Goonch's have been hunting live humans! However there have only been 3 reported instances of Goonch's snatching people.
Amongst the victims are one 18yr old last week, a 17yr old in April 1988 and then 3 months later another young boy was pulled below the surface.

People please don't swim, bath or play in the Great Kali river, it could be the end of you!

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Vogue India's less than tasteful "poverty is fashionable" shoot

"An old woman missing her upper front teeth holds a child in rumpled clothes — who is wearing a Fendi bib" (retail price, about £50/$100)

486 million people in India are living on less than 65p ($1.25) per day.


A man models a Burberry umbrella in Vogue that costs about £100/$200.

These wonderfully stark contrasts are brought to you by Vogue India. In its “16-page vision of supple handbags, bejeweled clutches and status-symbol umbrellas, modeled not by runway stars or the wealthiest fraction of Indian society who can actually afford these accessories, but by average Indian people.”

Hey, after all, why buy actual food when you can spend the £100 that took you 178 days to earn copping that very pretty Burberry umbrella? Right, Vogue?

*smh*

(Pictures from NYT)

Artist Nadia Plesner recently did a campaign for the starving in Darfur:




The image casts a Sudanese child from the troubled Darfur region in the role of Paris Hilton, complete with small pink-clad dog and designer handbag, in order to criticize the media's excessive coverage of attention-seeking celebutantes rather than genocidal conflict. In Nadia's words, "Since doing nothing but wearing designerbags and small ugly dogs appearantly is enough to get you on a magasine cover, maybe it is worth a try for people who actually deserves and needs attention."

LOUIS VUITTON SUED HER.

Nadia's website: Click! Click! Click!

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Michael Phelps is a sore......Winner!

Winning isn't everything. Sometimes the greatest thing about winning is making other people feel bad about not winning. Michael Phelps may not know what not winning feels like, but he sure knows how to rub his victories in his opponents' faces.

LFMAO

From: Magichugs.com

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COCAINE IS A HELLAVA DRUG: JoJo from Jodeci Passes out on stage IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG!

JODECI:

FROM THIS:



TO THIS:

I have seen this splashed all over the net so i guess im really posting it for the benefit of those who have'nt seen it and the fact that I am a DIE HARD Jodeci fan!

Ok so JoJo and K-Ci are on the stage singing at the Jodeci reunion tour in Australia and then from nowhere JOJO JUST PASSES THE FUCK OUT! MID SONG!

But what really gets me is how the big bodyguard looking dude AND K-Ci just act like this shit is "normal"

*smh*

You gotta see it to believe it, the dramatic fall out is at about the 1:48 mark

COCAINE IS A HELLAVA DRUG



Hit "READ MORE" to hear K-Ci's "excuses" (radio interview) about what happened. Oh! and you gotta check out what my baby Devante (swoon) has gone and done to himself!





Lord give me strength! Devante went and put a tattoo ON HIS FACE!

He's gone from.....


The flyness

To Cracktastic!



COCAINE IS A HELLAVA DRUG......

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Celebs in Poundland!!

If your not familiar with "Poundland" it probably means you do not live in the UK, in America i think they call similar shops "Dollar Stores". Basically they are shops full of cheap crappy stuff that costs £1 or $1.

We all know celebs like to endorse all kinds of shit, but something tells me no one gave permission for their images to be used on the following "Poundland" pieces of crap....

Hit read more for the rest of the post!!

THE "OLSEN TWINS" VEST

"ROB LOWE'S" DREADLOCK WIG

"ANGELINA JOLIES" WAIST TRIMMING HOOP THINGY

"JENNIFER ANISTON" FISHNET TIGHTS

THE "KATIE HOLMES" MP3 PLAYER

"MISHCA BARTON" PANTIES

(My fave!) THE "GEORGE BUSH" DIRTY OLD MAN FANCY DRESS COSTUME

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Meet Yoda, the cat with FOUR Ears!

Im so sorry for the lack of posts this past week or so, ive been up to my eyeballs with flu, work and personal crap. But all is ok and I'm back with a vengence!!

So here we have "Yoda" the four-earred cat. He was actually born like this and was adopted by a Chicago couple 2 years ago.

His owner Valerie (below) is paranoid that someone is going to try and pussynap Yoda, so she always keeps him indoors. Good thinking, he might scare babies and children! lol

From: Daily Mail Online

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Drugs - Still the best way to lose weight!

I was suffering from withdrawal from my fave drug....Amy Winehouse! (lol), i have'nt had anything really f*cked up to write about her for some time now....hmmm i'm not even sure if that is a good or bad thing?

So i happened to stumble upon this "before" pic of Amy...now lets look at the shocking decline......

GOING.......

GOING......


GONE!
EVEN MORE GONE!


FUCKED!

Pics Via: Skirmisher.org

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Man gets "stuck" having sex with a....BENCH!

Last Sunday in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

He panicked and called the police to help him.

When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital.

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Lets take a look at all of China's OLYMPIC FAKERY so far........

China really has excelled themselves with the "magical fakery" that has come to light (so dam) early on into the Olympic games, which is being held in China's Capital Beijing....

Lets start with the stunning “fencing off” [photo above] to hide the country’s unsettling urban underbelly, China’s hosted Olympics has got to be the best fake Olympics ever......

Lets look at more amazing magical fakery.....

Next there was the scandal behind the singing of the national anthem at the opening ceremony. Billions of viewers worldwide were mesmerised by the cute little chinese girl (on the right of the picture) belting out the song with a "perfect" voice.

But it was in fact the girl on the left who had sang the song and pre-recorded it, the "prettier" version was merely lip-syncing the whole thing!

The girl who actually sang the song, Yang Peiyi was apparently not attractive enough for the ceremonies and did not meet their standards of “perfection.”

"I don't see anything wrong with it, if everybody concerned agrees," said Wang Wei, of the organising committee.

Nonetheless, the story had disappeared from several leading Chinese news websites on Wednesday, including that of the broadcaster which broke the story.

Video: Click! Click! Click!

THE OPENING FIREWORKS

Apparently the folks at the Olympics thought it was too dangerous for helicopters to film the actual fireworks at the stadium during the opening ceremonies, so they used pre-recorded, computer-generated fireworks. I think that, just like the fake voice-over above, they decided that the “perfect” image the rest of the world should see, is one they could'nt really create......

*smh*

Wait! theres much more.....


Olympic organisers admitted today that they are using volunteers to fill swathes of empty seats at competition venues as concerns grow at the failure of ticket holders to attend events.

There have also been large numbers of yellow-shirted "cheerleaders" present at some events, recruited to create an atmosphere and to prevent the embarrassing spectacle of empty seats appearing on television.

At the Capital Gymnasium earlier this week there were three blocks of several hundred yellow-shirted spectators cheering loudly for Venezuela as they took on the USA at volleyball.

Yesterday, organisers claimed that the cheerleaders were in fact spectators, but today Wang Wei, vice-president of Bocog, conceded that they had been recruited by venue managers to fill seats.



Probably the most heinous fakery going on right now has to do with the ages of two girls competing on the Chinese women’s gymnastics team.

Two 14, I mean, 16 year old girls on the team, He Kexin and Jiang Yuyuan are supposedly of age, but records indicate that they are probably as young as 14 years old. China produced passports for the two children which show them to be 16 years old. Of course, birth certificates are unavailable, but even they would be incredibly easy to fake as well. There is a huge advantage to having young gymnasts - they are much smaller, and thus able to perform more dangerous techniques and, unfortunately, far more willing to perform those techniques despite the risk.



Even the weather has been faked in China during Olympics. Over 1000 rockets were fired into the clouds to keep the rain from coming down during the opening ceremonies. The controversial technique of firing silver iodide crystals was the largest known effort in the history of mankind to prevent rain. It seemed to work, as the event went off flawlessly.


I think all this fakery brings about the big question — WHAT IS THE REAL CHINA REALLY LIKE?

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Wires grow from INSIDE woman's body!

It’s a currently big news in Indonesia. Metal wires about 10-20 cm long grow from a woman’s body! Skeptics initially thought that is must be ’self-inflicted’. Doctors however, have other theories but have given up on providing any scientific or medical explanations.


The woman had this problem for 17 years and currently being investigated by the Ministry of Health. Initial consultation with doctors and specialists found that the wires are also inside her body. At this stage, there were no current medical explanations or any case ever exist. Hence, there is but only one other possible consideration… Occult magic.




Her name is NOORSYAIDAH. A 40 years old kindergarten teacher from Sangatta, East Kutai. Her first symptoms started manifestating in 1991. The metal wires grew out of her chest and her belly. There was no explanation then (or even now). During the first week wires kept falling off from her body and were gone. A month later, the wires grew back again and from that time onward the wires did not fall. They kept growing!

One of her sisters said that she tried to help by trimming the wires. Alas, whenever she trimmed the wires, the wire retreated as if it were hiding and then popped up in another part of Noorsyaidah’s body.

There have been 4 Medical Specialists taking this matter seriously and have treated her in several ways. And as the result, doctors can’t figure out what exactly is happening to her. The doctors have taken an X-Ray image from her stomach and found that there are more than 40 metal wires inside her and some of them are bursting out of her skin. They looks like a living phenomenon. The wires are able mobile and therefore can change location at will, Thus the doctors are forced to use a magnet to scan the exact position of the wires. The wires bursted out without any symptoms of Tetanus, but she said that they’re hurting her like when needles sting.

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What the hell is going on with Katie Holme's jeans?

What the hell kind of pot luck outfit is Katie Holmes wearing?! Someone please call the fashion police because she looks like a walking jumble sale!

Baggy jeans, Rihanna's leftover heels and memaw hair? No!

Is she trying to be "edgy"?

Read on for more "Katie Holmes Style Analysis"






When i saw the first pic i thought maybe it was a costume or something because she is an actress afterall....but then i saw her wearing the "pin-tuck" folded jeans again and again....

Maybe its a scientoloy thing?

WTF?

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Cheeseburger in a can...would you eat it?

I guess it actually could look alot worse....i'd try it to be honest, would you?

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The Olympics in Lego

Its Olympics time folks!

The Hong Kong LEGO Users Group created this miniature version of the Olympics in Beijing in less than 100 hours. In this picture, you can see the National Aquatics Center. Other photos show the Olympic Stadium (also known as the Birds Nest), Olympic Park, and other venues.....

See more pics after the jump!






WOW!

Click here for some amazing pics of the opening ceremony!

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