Available from: Perpetual Kid
I actually don't know of anyone who has'nt seen the Back to the Future movies, so you will all be happy to know that Nike has finally caved into demand and will be releasing these Hyperdunks!
Sadly they don't have the autolace feature that was immortalised in the movie....
Before I get started I need to declare that this is NOT a review!.....it is a controversial deconstruction of a blockbuster movie..
Glossary:
Superherodom - A theoretical 'place' where superheros reputations dwell (you'll need this definition later)
Spoilers - Trailers that don't just entice you but damn near give away the whole movie, the problem is you don't know its a spoiler till you go see the movie
Right.....where to start....? OK....so I've gone to see the 'cock' last night, it would be stupid to suggest I had no clue what it was about because the spoilers gave away quite a bit, I did however walk in with an open mind.
I was like 3 minutes late..the college kid at the Nachos counter decided to suggest he should heat the cheese to go with my Nachos as the little buckets weren't hot enough (understudy bastard!...thanks Chris!)...so anyway I'm in, I'm trying to find a seat while Hancock is flying around drunk.....I'm not too concerned at this time because I'd seen this part on the spoilers!
Anyway seated.....seen this bit spoilers....seen that bit spoilers...in honesty it was around 4 mins later I got to a part that spoilers hadn't ....well....spoilt, this was followed by a 5min gap of 'new' content....which led onto another 5min sequence I had seen on the spoilers......I digress.
After settling in to the film and becoming marginally familiar with the characters something hit me, I had a dual process multi-tasking thing going on in my head (front of the brain watching film and being wowed by graphics, back of my brain processing undertones), I started to thing about how many other times I had been in this position of watching a superhero onscreen, memories of Superman, Spiderman, Hulk and Batman made revolutions through my mind, a quick calculation was done and 'Bing' I realised all the other superheros had something in common.....they were all white. Not a problem I thought due to the time in which these tales were constructed....not to suggest other ethnic groups didn't exist but I guess the characters were created in the image (or at least imaginary image) of their creators....so the back of my brain left it alone and that was that....at least that's what I thought....
The film progresses...more drunken disorderly behaviour....more laughs, then the back of my brain wakes up again....I know Hancock has been marketed as "Not your average hero" but why does all this drunken debauchery feel sooo wrong? Again the calculations....Superman - From another planet, wants to help and fit in...generally a good guy, Spiderman - bitten by a spider, wants to help and fit .....generally good guy, Hulk - Lab experiment for a healing cure goes wrong, wants to be normal again whilst helping.....generally a good guy, Batman - Parents killed by robber, rich but normal, wants to make the streets safe....generally good guy, I then look to the big screen in front of me and I see Hancock drunk.....again causing mayhem and no one likes him....hmmmmmmm.
I didn't want to have to think this but so far my favourite superheros of the past were all white and all good guys, while this new guy Hancock is black and a pain.....I started to feel a little uneasy....but I thought I'd ride the wave.
More laughs, more gags....then Hancock goes to jail.....jail.....jail I said! Stop me if I'm wrong but I don't remember any superhero (or supervilan for that fact) that has gone to government prison, as in 'shanks', don't drop the soap in the shower, "gimme your cornbread" prison. Suffice to say I was stunned, mortified almost...a 'new' superhero has just come on the scene and he's a really bad role model....he's the worst, all that's left for him to do is to start smoking crack and pimping women (in my eyes)....my heart sunk, this Hancock may not enter 'Superherodom' and if he does it will be as a drunk ex con.
I got over it....I really thought "I need to see where this ends up"....bada boom, bada bing Hancock is out of jail and back on the streets again...this time the city needs him, because since he's been in jail (2weeks) the crime rate has escalated stupidly! He comes out does the superhero bit, clap clap, cheer cheer. I'm thinking OK...only good things can happen right....his past was murky but he can do good now right.......WRONG! Hancock tries to kiss his new found friends WIFE...WTF people .....WTF?!!!! So not only was he a drunk that cost the city millions, that nobody liked, that went to jail, he is now also conspiring to adultery.....people hold my hand I want to burst!
We could get into colour, he's black, she's white....but I would consider that a feeble argument although it may have some grounding in another discussion, I'll leave that alone on this occasion (I never said there is anything wrong with it). SimpleSimon (me)...is sitting in the cinema feeling extremely uneasy now....how can this superhero ever be a classic, loved by all kinda guy.....what message does this portray to the naive members of society?
Why couldn't the superhero with a difference be able to have direct dialogue with GOD? Or be over concerned with famine in the world, or be the mediator that went to the 'hoods' of the world and showed the youth that their ways are fruitless? Instead I get a drunk, adultering ex con....Stan Lee had an inability to create superheroes outside his own race, but at least he didn't potentially insult the race of another.....
OK...like I said this was not meant to be a review, what I do need to know is am I crazy? If you've seen it please comment, if you haven't go see it and please comment.
===Credit where credit is due===
William Smith - Excellent performance, it must be said I'm starting to get used to him saving the world...not sure if that is good or bad yet.
Charlize Theron - Excellent performance definitely had me convinced.
Visuals truly stunning, will definitely be a Blu-Ray must!
GO AND SEE THIS FILM!
===Closing words===
I'm schizophrenic....its just me, he and him......
I watch the news often....lets face its necessary, I need to know what the latest local 'gang initiation' rituals are in an effort to try and avoid being a victim (if at all possible) so I take the news VERY seriously.........until today that is.....today I have discovered that when they get the news wrong.......there are few things funnier!
Wait until 'Tom Berg' starts talking....he turns to look at his tele-prompter and we all see a personalised message!
TV reporter tries to talk.....LMAO
Live phone-in's are never a good idea.....
This is the best news report blunder ever...... He is soo ghetto!
Pure classics!
Ok....so Soulja boy fever hit us back in May 2007.......or whenever it was and we were all "You! Crank dat Soulja boy" at the most random and inappropriate times.....anyway on the back of Soulja boys commercial success we had a whole raft of remix's, parodies and international covers.....on the back of seeing one today that I must have missed, I thought I would share in the entertainment and offer you this selection of Soulja Boy hilarity!
Hit 'Read More'
Crank that Kosher Boy....yes this is a Jewish remix!
Crank dat curry sauce...the Indian remix!
Crank dat Naija boy....the Nigerian remix
Who do you think wins?
Want to add some Soulja Girl into your life? HIT ME!
How to ruin a $100,000+ Maerati Quattroporte
Seems some Saudi Arabian fool with too much oil money and not enough taste has plastered his Quattroporte in what appears to be perforated Burberry-plaid gift-wrap paper. WTF?
Amy arriving at Mandela's Concert
Bad: Assaulting your mum
Really bad: Stabbing your mom with a fork
Why?-worthy: While you’re at it, beating another woman with a frozen chicken!
Meet Frederick McKaney, 40, of Ypsilanti, Michigan, who was arraigned in Jackson county courtroom with two felony assaults, one of which is "assault with chicken":
"He stabbed his mother in the back of the neck when she refused to give him money, and then, an hour later, he attacked a neighbor woman with a chicken," Jackson County Chief Assistant Prosecutor Mark Blumer told the Ann Arbor news.
A short time later, he encountered two other women talking on the sidewalk on Woodbridge Street. The woman said he said something nasty to them and hit one of them over the head with 10 pounds of frozen chicken.
From: Click! Click! Click!
